How do we cultivate and keep up Active Hope?
These times are calling us in … to the deepest inner places of ourselves and “us”.
Who here is with me on this learning and unlearning, on this reaching deep within, feeling the “in-between” and trying to reach back out?
It's been a long while since I wrote. I’ll spare you the details but I do get to practice my talk and warmly say a whole lot of empathic “no wonder” and “of course” to myself these days …
Maybe, like me, you experienced some happy reunions and some connections still waiting to be repaired or renewed or revived or mourned.
Maybe, too, you got some new unsettling or triggering information coming in that created some need to recalibrate, re-evaluate the load-bearing patterns, and ... which way is North again?
And maybe you also experienced the curve balls, the losses with recoveries and the losses without.
Maybe the wind took you as well for a whirl, a tumble or even just fell flat, cold and unmoving for a (long) while ... Leaving a space empty-ready for the acknowledgements, the grief, the rage and whatever else we get to hide back there at the bottom of the hull in locked trunks and boxes (or even deeper down at the bottom of the sea…?) I digress…
In turbulent, ever-changing times, we hear a lot about "resilience".
About the capacity to bend and not break under adversity. It's such a needed capacity indeed. We all need it.
AND
It isn't enough - when the conditions of living or our relationships continue to be chronically and systematically imbalanced.
We are all called to participate in transformative justice to find our way back to each other.
One core question that helps my own heart going toward this call in times of losses and unknown is:
How do we cultivate and keep up Active Hope?
This term was coined by one of my beloved elder-teacher, Joanna Macy, who authors a book called 'Active Hope' among many other gems.
Joanna differentiates the hope that is 'banked on reasonable outcomes' (and we know how all scales don't work the same ...) and the hope that is 'what we long for, desire, value'.
=> What do you long for ... desire ... value ... that would contribute more wellness to you, others, our world, our Home-Planet?
=> What is your vision: the quality of living and relating (with yourself and others) that would make your heart filled with Hope?
=> and if that’s hard to connect to, let’s start by “what is missing” or “when did you lose Hope" on the way of life so far? What happened?
Side Note! I got the chance in the last few days to spend some time with 25 middle and high schoolers. Check out here for a picture of what they centered some of THEIR longings and values to be in an Empathy BINGO game (that was fun to create).
Joanna Macy adds:
"Active Hope is about becoming active participants in bringing about what we hope for."
And we all need to hold our responsibility (and response-abilities) in co-creating spaces and circles and tables long enough where the voices, especially of those with less relational and systemic power, get a say and agency to design the powerful vision and be part of the change.
=> What do YOU choose to practice every day in relationship to yourself, others, your larger groups, to cultivate Active Hope?
=> What needs to be named and acknowledged?
=> What needs a safe space to be held in order to recover breath and release past tensions of harm, loss, disappointments, discouragements?
=> What’s can be recovered from self to self and what needs to be recovered from others? (reciprocal and equitable repairs!)
=> What needs to change in our closer and larger systems as well to make these hopes happen for everyone?
Some of my own practices include:
a whole lof of empathy rituals with myself and in mutuality with dear friends. Years of their voices in my own brain helped my own inner voice become so much kinder to myself too.
practicing a whole lot of mourning for the previous dreams and illusion of certainty that my innocence/ignorance kept so precious until they were no more.
trying to balance my give and take, my gifting and receiving while acknowledging that the current systems and my unique position at the intersections of power.
trying to find laughter and joy and grace in the most mundane moments. Hearing laughter or someone singing is like a thousand suns
and so much more …
I invite you to join me in practicing Active Hope with two other self-practices I will offer at upcoming conferences:
Reclaiming how to say NO and healing consent and dissent within ourselves at The Resonance Summit 2022. Join my teacher-mentor Sarah Peyton (the host), and other important voices in the field of relational neuroscience like Daniel Siegel, Sue Johnson for “an exploration of the transformative power of relationship and resonance”.
Practicing a restorative "being" (brain-state/mindset) towards our "doing"(implementing) Restorative Practices at the Restorative Justice World 2022 conference. This recorded webinars and online forum will be a space for anyone interesting in applying restorative principles to their own lives, professional groups, schools, families.
These spaces are open to all. I hope to see some of you there!
*A foreword: These two sessions will be focused on practices we can do alone. AND I want to name that “we are hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship.” Hyper-independence saved us many times in our lives AND comes at a great cost too. Self-practices need to be accompanied with equitable engagement on repairs, healing and change. From people and the systems that hold them.
Drop me a line anytime, let me know how you are if we had the chance to connect in past years. I look forward to re-engaging in the upcoming year and strengthening connections and community. More to come soon …
If you need any accompaniment, coaching or consulting on your personal and professional journeys, reach out! I’m here to help you find your wind and direction towards your own Active Hope.
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Mali Parke is a trauma-informed relational and culture coach, systemic constellation facilitator, and a life-long “hopeless hopeful” dreamer.
She had a previous life that looked all neatly setup after years of promises. Her most recent life include a whole bunch of big and small losses, many trials and errors unlearning all she thought she knew and relearning self-connection and the chaotic art of relating to others while happily nerding out on relational neuroscience. Add a sprinkle of restorative/transformative justice, positive discipline, nonviolent communication, somatic integrative trauma therapy and attachment therapy and hopefully a whole lot of soil under her fingernails, and you can can read more about what she is up to so far at maliparke.com or follow her on Facebook and Instagram.
